What If Blues People Became Ed Tech Co-ordinators?

What if blues singers hung up their guitars and instead became ed tech co-ordinators? (Stranger things have happened, and we're constantly being told that in the 21st century career longevity is a thing of the past.) What sort of things might they hear, and say, in the course of their working day? This is a light-hearted bit of messing around with language, taken way out of context. And why not?

I got seven hundred dollars, Don't you mess with me. -- Muddy Waters

The sort of thing to say to other members of staff once your allowance for the year comes through? Mind you, $700 wouldn't buy much these days!

Blues Harp

My Pencil Won't Write No More -- McKinley Morganfield

Obviously a reference to some sort of handwriting device, like a tablet PC or a graphics tablet.

When I was an ICT Co-ordinator I was always having kids say to me: "I can't find my work on the network." Followed a second later by "You must have lost it."

Needless to say, it was only the lazy pupils who came out with such things -- the industrious ones tended not to lose their work and to just get on with it. I ought to have responded by saying,

You can't lose what you ain't never had. -- Muddy Waters

Mind you, having said that, there are some people for whom computers are their worst nightmare: as soon as they walk into the room, the screen fizzles and the network gives up the ghost; they save stuff in full view of everyone, but the system either snaffles it up and refuses to release it ever again, or else serves it up in the form of hieroglyphics. I can imagine such people bemoaning the fact that,

[I was] Born under a bad sign; I been down since I begin to crawl. If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all. -- Albert King

Back in the days when disks were relatively expensive, and before I was given enough money to buy them in bulk, I had to charge other teachers for them. No doubt behind my back they grumbled,

Got to get your own cos they sure ain't gonna give ya none. -- Reuben Wilson

or

Nobody never gave nothin' to me. -- Elvis Pressley

To which I would have replied, had I overheard them,

If you don't like my potatoes, why did ya dig so deep? -- Bessie Smith

Kids are forever trying to insert things in the wrong slot, like the USB cable into the network socket. Actually, not just kids. Computer labs ought to have posters saying,

If it don't fit, don't force it. -- Barrell House Annie

I was commissioned to write an article about furniture for the ICT suite in primary (elementary) schools. Size is a real issue here, and it brought to mind a Fats Waller song, Your Feet's Too Big:

Up in Harlem, at a table for two, there were four of us: me, your big feet and you.

Finally, break-ins are a real problem in schools, and the locks are usually changed afterwards. This has to be done pretty quickly, and there's a good chance that other staff will only find out when they attempt to use their copy of the key to gain entry. That's when you need to point out to them,

You've got the right key, but the wrong keyhole. -- Trixie Butler

Sadly, the only blues song I could find (after a pretty cursory search) about computers was one written in 1988 by Maurice John Vaughn, called "Computer Took My Job":

I was at work that mornin'
When the big trucks came
With the big machines inside
My boss had us all gather 'round
He said "the computers gonna make,
they gonna make your work easier
Don't you worry 'bout a thing"
But don't you know, don't you know
When the work is too easy
Lord they don't need you no more

(From http://www.lyricstime.com/maurice-john-vaughn-computer-took-my-job-lyrics.html)

(Actually, it might be interesting, and a bit different, to discuss the lyrics of this song, and the sentiments expressed in it, with a class.)

I hope you enjoyed that bit of messing about. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow!

This is a modified and expanded version of an article first published on 17th March 2007.